3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
