brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I could teleport
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
