omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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