I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
