i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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