living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.