Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
