A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
