i just had sex bonerless
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
