Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.