I CAN MOONWALK!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left