Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
