Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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