the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
