Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize