I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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