I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
