I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
