i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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