i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
