he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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