Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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