as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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