No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
