So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
