In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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