Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
