It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
