She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
