what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
