Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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