what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
