just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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