I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
