On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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