Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
