Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
