I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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