I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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