She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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