dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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