Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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