and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
