i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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