oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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