Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fuck appropriateness.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
