You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
