So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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