he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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