It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
