How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
