My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
