Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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