she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
