I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
