We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
