she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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