It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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