I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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