This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
