Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
