Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
