My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
