my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
