I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
