She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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