Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
