i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who died my cat blue again?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
