Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
