the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
