you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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