Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
