I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
